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About bit about me:

Hi everyone! My name is Jayden Vincente (or J. R. Vincente) and I am an author of erotic fiction. I’ve been writing for 15 years and published my first novel in 2015! I am active in the BDSM lifestyle and have been focusing my writing on Dominant and submissive relationships.

Published Novels:

Exploration: An Erotic Novel


Available on Nook, Smashwords, and Kindle:

What would you do with the sudden opportunity to explore any facet of sexuality and BDSM with no judgment, prejudice, or dangerous consequences? In Mara’s community of Zebulon, that’s what she’s about to find out. With endless possibilities for exploration, she’s asked to work on a special assignment—an offer that will change the course of her life.

Continue reading


I was doing so well at the beginning of June. I had daily posts for a while, even! And then…yeah. It dropped off again. I have no real excuse. I just…get too distracted. I had hoped that being home, I would get more done, but it has definitely been the opposite. It’s really hard for me to focus when I’m at home. I’m constantly going, “Well, there are dishes to do” or “I could be cleaning this” or my child is talking to me or whatever. I always got my best writing done at a restaurant. Well. That ain’t happening. So…I have to figure out how to force myself to get my writing done at home.

And now that we’re in the second half of the year, I can say unequivocally that I will NOT be writing 1,000,000 words in 2020. I’ll blame the pandemic. But, I have written over 200,000 so far, and published two novels! That’s a lot more productive than any other year, so I’m not complaining. I have also gotten a lot done around my house. A lot of cleaning and organizing, and I reached some other personal goals. So all in all, it hasn’t been a bad year in terms of productivity. (And that’s what I’m going to focus on, because the terrible things going on in the world are fucking terrible, and I’ll deal with that on my non-writery social media.)

So, lots of love to my readers and followers. There isn’t enough love in the world, so when you find it, cherish it and share it. ❤


I have been very inspired lately to write about true experiences that are happening for me right now. This has in part been inspired by the Erotic Journal Challenge Prompt for June – Relaxed. So here’s another true story for you:

My alarm goes off at the usual time, and I groan. I was up late last night, and I don’t want to be awake now. I sit up and take my morning pills and decide I’m going back to sleep. It’s my day off, technically. I nestle back under the covers, rubbing my face on the soft, cool pillowcase, and relax back into sleep.

I come out of sleep again to feel your hand on my back. You’re rubbing my stiff muscles, and I drift in and out of sleep for…a while. I’m not sure how long your fingers knead my back, your nails lightly scraping my skin. I feel so relaxed. I never want to move again.

But you know I’m waking up, and I know I don’t have much longer to enjoy your hands on my body. You whisper in my ear, “What do you think of me putting nipple clamps on you while I flog you?”

A rush of heat floods my senses. It sounds painful. “Yes, please.”

“Roll over,” you say.

I do, bracing myself for what I know is going to be a lot. It’s been over a month since you’ve put clamps on my nipples. I’m not used to them. You start with the right one, and I know it’s the more sensitive one. Always has been. I am whimpering as soon as the metal closes over my sensitive bud. The other one goes on more easily, but the longer you kneel over me, looking down at my clamped nipples, the more it hurts. I have nothing to focus on.

“Up on your knees,” you say, and I do what I think you want. I turn so that my ass is facing you, the chain connecting the clover clamps resting on the bed. “No, up,” you say, and you pull me up so that I’m kneeling. You’re so close to me, and thank goodness, because I’m sure I would fall over if you let me go. The chain dangles between my breasts, my big thighs parted. I look down, and for a moment, maybe I see it. Maybe I see what makes you so attracted to me. My breasts are full and firm; the chain rests on my belly. I see the stretch marks, and for once, they don’t bother me. My thighs are big but powerful, and I know I’m going to be dripping on the bed soon with my arousal. For just that moment, I see me the way you see me.

And then all thought is driven from my mind when you hit my ass with the flogger. I’m still a bit sore from our caning a week ago, and the flogger stings. I gasp and my body rocks, the chain pulling on my nipples. My whimpers are constant as you flog me, switching sides halfway through. My nipples hurt so much, but the distraction of the flogger helps.

You push me forward with a gentle nudge on my shoulder, and when the chain hits the bed, I whimper some more. “Oh god,” I groan, and then your fingers slip between my thighs, sliding along my pussy.

“You’re soaking wet.”

I don’t have words. I just whimper. But I am. I am nearly dripping already.

You flog me again, raining the pain over my ass. Even as I think about how much it hurts, I can feel myself getting more turned on. When you finally stop, I am whimpering even more. Your fingers slide along my folds, and this time you press two fingers inside me, fucking me slowly. I push back against your hand, wanting more. Oh god, wanting so much more.

“Flip over,” you tell me.

I do, spreading my legs for you.

“When you cum, take off the clamps.”

Ah yes, the clamps. They hurt when I flip over, but otherwise, my nipples have lost enough feeling that it isn’t as painful. Which means it’s going to hurt a lot when they come off. That rush of blood back to them is the worst part. Best part? Most intense part.

You slip three fingers inside me now, and I feel so full. Your tongue caresses my clit, and I’m ready to lose my mind. I both want the orgasm and know that it’s going to be painful when I take the clamps off. But I’m so turned on that I know I don’t have long. And then you bring your free hand up and wind your finger around the chain connecting my nipples, and oh my goodness, I can’t believe it. My nipples feel like they’re on fire, and my orgasm is about to roll over me.

My eyes roll back in my head, and I grab the release on the clamps. I take them off at the same time, and the pain floods my senses. It’s insanely intense. My pussy clenches around your fingers, a shudder goes through me, and the pain in my nipples all combines into one very intense orgasm. The next thing I know, you’re on top of me, and I’m lifting my legs to let you in. The depth is incredible, and I love feeling your cock filling me up. You pound into me, my breasts bouncing. My nipples scream with pain as my large breasts bounce. I grip them to hold them still, and it dulls the pain somewhat.

Another orgasm overtakes me, between the pleasure of your cock and the pain in my nipples, my pussy clenches around you. I am moaning again, thrusting back against you as best I can. When the orgasm starts, I let go of my breasts, and they bounce as waves of pleasure overtake me. I grip your arms, solid muscle above me and look up into your face. I love watching as you cum, your face intense, your breathing fast. It’s the sexiest I ever get to see you. You make the telltale sound of your orgasm, a sound I have loved for more than a decade. And I sigh contentedly.

We clean up a bit, and I curl up in your arms, your chest hair tickling my nose. I want to drift off back to sleep, but instead, we talk. We talk about how much we love each other, how happy we are, how far we’ve come in our relationship. And by the time we’re done talking, you’re hard again.

“I’m sorry?” I ask when you point out your erection.

“Why?” you ask. “Are you too hungry for another round?”

“Breakfast can wait,” I say, and you grin down at me.

You press your lips to mine, and I can taste myself on them still. I relax into your embrace. I am the luckiest woman in the world.


See more erotic journal challenge posts here.


Social Media is a time suck. I hate it. I hate that I can waste HOURS of time just scrolling through. I even put a time limiter on myself like I would for a child. It’s nuts. I get lost scrolling Facebook on my computer. The worst is when I catch myself scrolling on my phone and computer at the same time.

I often think about leaving. But… I won’t.

The other day, someone I’m friends with posted something political. I didn’t want to post about it publicly because it involves looking for a new job so I sent her a message. Scrolling up (because Facebook saves everything), I realize that we haven’t spoken directly in 12 years. 12 years! We have liked each other’s posts and maybe even commented sometimes, but we haven’t had any direct interactions.

What was cool about it was that she offered me a place to stay post-pandemic if I’m ever in the area and said that she really enjoyed watching my life on social media. I never would have guessed that she would care that I got married and had a family, not because she isn’t a caring person, but because it surprises me that I would matter to someone else at all.

So, it goes to show you (me) two things:

  1. You never know who your posts are impacting, so go ahead and make that post.
  2. Social media isn’t all evil and leaving isn’t necessary. But maybe limiting the time would be good…

Orange #PUSHunt

Let’s play a game! It’s called PUSH and it’s super fun. Go learn more here or google the hashtag!


It’s the opposite color to blue, which is my favorite color. It’s been my favorite color since…as long as I can remember. Blue is the color that everyone goes to when they’re asked for a favorite.

Okay, not everyone, obviously, but many people. I have 0 scientific proof, but I think blue has been the most common favorite color every time I’ve ever polled people.

But what does that have to do with anything? Does it matter what our favorite colors are? Does it have some super power that tells you who you’re compatible with? Does having opposite favorite colors mean something bad? I don’t know. I don’t really believe in horoscopes, so why would I believe in something like favorite colors dictating something?

I don’t. Honestly. But it’s funny that in so many ways, we are opposites, including our favorite colors. And maybe that’s okay. It’s nice to have a colorful world, isn’t it?

But now I think of you every time I see the color orange. For the rest of my days, I’ll think of you every time I see it. I hope that the memories will be fond ones, but no matter how this ends (if this ends?) I will still think of you when I see the color orange. Because while the color (and so many other things) has been burned into my mind, your love has been burned into my heart, and there it will stay.

TMI Tuesday

1. What is your phone screensaver at the moment?
It’s just pretty colors. Nothing fancy.

2. What is currently on your playlist? (list top 5)
Fallin’ All In You – Shawn Mendes
Fire Escape – Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness
Smoke the Clears – Andy Grammer
Ripple in the Water – Pat Monahan
Don’t You Worry Child – Swedish House Mafia

3. What are your last three internet searches?
Facebook – looking for someone who followed me
PUSH – Prompts Unity Scavenger Hunt
TMI Tuesday Blog

4. What is your favorite sandwich filling?
Peanut butter and jelly, triple berry, but I’m not picky.

5. What is one staple item all men should own?
A screw driver

Bonus: If you couldn’t be convicted of any one type of crime, what criminal charge would you like to be immune to?

I would want to be immune to public indecency. Public sex is definitely something that’s alluring to me, but sooo risky. (And yes, there is the factor of consent. But you may notice that there are a lot of rooms in my stories where people can have sex and be watched.)

Check out other TMI Tuesday Blogs here!

Comment below if you’re playing along!

Book Review: Magic Never Lies

At the beginning of April, fellow romance author Erin Leaf released Magic Never Lies. I needed something light and happy at that point in my life, so I jumped into the book and I am SO glad I did. I am, admittedly, terrible about writing reviews, and in the middle of the A to Z Blog Challenge and quarantine and the world burning, I never got around to writing a review. But the fact that the book has stayed with me for two months says a lot about how much I enjoyed it.

The description reads: Blake Gerritt kicked music and fame to the curb years ago and now he’s happy with his anonymous life in an ordinary town in the middle of nowhere. He raised his sister after their parents died and the simmering magic in his blood has faded. He’s cool with that—he’s too old for falling in love anyway. Magic can’t fix his past and he doesn’t need it for his future.

Aaron Wade is young, rich, and miserable, even though millions love his songs. He knows he should be happy, especially since his bigoted jerk of a father is finally dead, but he can’t sleep. He can’t deal. A small town in the middle of rural America is just the cure he needs to get back on track with his life, no outside help needed.

But what happens when love comes out of nowhere? Does a man let himself fall or does he refuse the magic that could change everything?

This is definitely a 5 star book! It was excellent from start to finish. The characters are real and relatable. The magic is alluring without being too much of a focus (though I love some good paranormal romance, this has just a touch). The story held my attention and the characters made me fall in love. If you’re looking for a romance to disappear into, pick this one!

Relaxed, Part 3

Here is Part 3 of my 3-part story! If you missed Part 1, click here.

I climb onto Nick this time, positioning his cock inside me. It feels incredible to have him inside me. I sink down onto him, moaning. Lucas reaches a hand over and runs it along Nick’s chest. I love that we’re all so connected. We have a good rhythm for a bit, but I’m tired. When I nearly collapse on top of him, we know it’s time to switch things up.

I climb off him, getting tangled up in the guys again. “I want to take you from behind,” Nick says.

Lucas lays on his back in front of me, and I lick my lips looking down at his cock. I can’t wait to feel it between my lips. I position myself with my ass in the air, and Nick settles himself behind me, pressing his hard cock against my slit. I’m still so wet from him going down on me. His cock slides into me, and I groan as I take Lucas’ cock into my mouth.

When I first wrap my lips around him, he’s soft and silky in my mouth, but he gets hard quickly. I grip the base of his cock with my fingers as he stiffens. He grunts a little as I take him deeper, rubbing my tongue along his shaft.

Nick fucks me hard, and I’m moaning around Lucas’s cock. It’s so fucking hot. And then Lucas reaches his hand between my legs and rubs my clit. He always knows how to find just the right spot. My whole body shudders. I take his cock out of my mouth because I am panting so hard and gasping for air. But his cock is slick, and I know how he likes to be stroked. I wrap my fingers around him and slide them up over the head of his cock. I use small strokes, and he groans deep in his throat. Nick stills inside me, and I know that he’s waiting. He grinds his hips against me slowly, letting me feel his hard cock, but not fucking me. Lucas keeps playing with my clit. I feel like I’m going to burst.

I take Lucas back into my mouth, feeling the head of his cock rubbing against the roof of my mouth. He’s starting to swell, and I know he’s going to cum soon. I open my eyes and glance at his feet. His toes are curling. I love those telltale signs that he’s close. Nick starts to move again, thrusting slowly at first, letting me feel his full length, his fingers digging into my hips. I love it. I love how he controls the sex between us, how he has this power over my body.

I feel the orgasm building, and I’m sure Nick can feel it too as my pussy clenches around him. He starts to fuck me hard now, thrusting deeply. As he fucks me hard, my whole body rocks, Lucas’ body rocks, and I let the momentum move my mouth on Lucas. As the three of us rock together, I feel my pussy clench around Nick’s cock. Lucas must hear my whimpers and moans, but he doesn’t stop playing with my clit. Nick fucks me harder still, but I can feel that he’s close, and he pulses inside me as he cums. I had hoped I could get Lucas off at the same time, but he’s not far behind. Nick slides out of me and collapses on the bed. I let my body slide flat and focus my attention on Lucas. He’s so close. I stroke him with my hand, and I feel the little tap on my back that I know means he’s close. I press his cock into my mouth, sucking lightly on the head and stroking with my hand.

“Oh god,” he groans as his hot cum fills my mouth. I wait until he’s done, stroking him softly with my fingers, and then I swallow, licking my lips and smiling.

We get cleaned up enough to sleep, our bodies still glistening with a fine sheen of sweat and arousal. Nestling myself into Lucas’ arms, pressing my body against his, and then bringing Nick in against mine. I am surrounded by warm bodies and love, and I have never been more content and relaxed.

Click the logo to find other blogs with the theme of Relaxed for June!

Relaxed, Part 2

Here is Part 2 of my 3-part story! If you missed Part 1 yesterday, you can find it here.

Even though I’ve screamed out my orgasm, Nick hasn’t let me go. His fingers are still buried deep inside me, his tongue is still pressed against my clit. I’m trying to fight him off, but only half-heartedly. Even if I really want him off, I know it’s not going to be easy with Lucas holding me down. I whimper as his tongue moves on my clit. Lucas flicks his tongue across my nipple. I’m writhing in overwhelming pleasure. I can’t form words, just whimpers of pleasure and then pain as Nick nibbles on my soft folds. He doesn’t usually use teeth down there, but I find that it’s sexy as hell. I buck my hips against him.

When he pulls his fingers out and lets go of my clit, I’m both relieved and disappointed. But I want one of them to fuck me. Or both. Both is good. We settle back into the positions we were in before, with me between the two men. I look between the two men, and I’m overwhelmed with emotion. This is perfection.

I lean over and kiss Nick, tasting myself on his lips, feeling my wetness clinging to his beard and mustache. I kiss him deeply and whisper that I love him. He returns the sentiment. Then I lean over Lucas and kiss him deeply, whispering that I love him. He also returns the sentiment. I could be at peace in this moment forever.

But my pussy has other ideas. I have regained the ability to speak, thank goodness, and say, “Can I ride you, Lucas, while you play with Nick?”

He agrees, and I turn to Nick. He nods, and we adjust, the two men moving closer together once I’m out of the way. I climb on top of Lucas and let his cock slide into me slowly. He shudders as I settle myself down on him. I’m sitting up, my nails digging into his thigh behind me. I start to move up and down, watching as he reaches over and grips Nick’s cock, stroking it lightly.

Watching them together spurs me on, and I start to move faster up and down, feeling his cock slam home every time. Then I lean forward, placing one hand on either side of his head. I lower my face to his so I can kiss him while his cock slides in and out of me. It’s incredible. Our tongues dance, and I want to just melt into him, but I do my best to keep the rhythm going. I bite his chest near his collarbone. I want it to bruise, but I don’t bite too hard. Then I kiss him again before sitting up. His cock goes deeper when I sit up, and I throw my head back in a moan. I want to watch Lucas stroking Nick, but I can’t focus. I’m too lost in the sensations in my own body.

Lucas thrusts his hips, moaning when our timing is just right. It’s incredible. Nick’s hand rests on my thigh, bringing me that connection I crave.

“Nick’s turn,” Lucas says, and I smile, knowing what he wants. As much as he enjoys fucking me, he loves my mouth and hand on his cock. I climb off, a tangle of limbs as we change positions again.

Click the logo to find other blogs with the theme of Relaxed for June!

Relaxed, Part 1

I have been struggling to get words down, but this morning, I was inspired to write something. I turned into a 3-part short story that I’ll be posting the next three days. It occurred to me that I should go look at the Erotic Journal Challenge, and I realized that it fits. This (mostly real) experience of mine describes a time when I have been very relaxed and comfortable. So here is Part 1!

It’s been a long day. A very long, very emotional day. I slip the thin straps of my nightgown down over my shoulders, and the silky garment drops to the floor and pools at my feet. I step out of it, slipping my feet out of my flip flops. The bed looks comfortable and inviting. Part of me wants to lie down in the cool sheets and sleep for a week. But on either side of me, Lucas and Nick are undressing. As much as I want to sleep, the pull of their naked bodies is too strong to resist, and I’m instantly wet. I crawl onto the bed, fighting the urge to just collapse onto the cool sheets. I have my ass stuck up in the air, and I look over my shoulder to see both men staring at it. I grin and lick my lips.

They climb onto the king-sized bed on either side of me. Lucas drapes the soft throw blanket over his body, and Nick tosses the comforter over his. I lay in between them on my stomach, not bothering with any blankets. Instantly, they’re both touching me. Their hands on my body are so comforting, and I know if I’m not careful, I will drift off to sleep. Lucas drags his nails down my back and across my ass, and I groan into my pillow. Nick’s fingers knead a spot on my back that’s always tense. I sink more deeply into the softness of the moment.

As the two men touch me, I can feel moments where they touch each other. Just knowing that they’re caressing each other like they are me turns me on more than anything they’ve done to me. The desire is burning low in my body, but it’s on the rise. I know that I’m not going to be able to resist it much longer, as comfortable as I am.

I roll to my side, slipping my legs underneath the throw blanket covering Lucas. I can feel his hard cock pressed against my ass as I cuddle up to him. I reach out for Nick, raking my nails lightly across his chest. Lucas presses closer to me, moaning softly in my ear, wrapping one arm around me to play with my nipples. His touch is like fire going through me. My skin tingles where he touches me, and when he pinches my nipples, it’s like a direct line to my pussy. He nibbles lightly on my neck, and I moan and press my ass back against him. He lets go of my nipples and grips my hip with his hand. I know he wants to fuck me, and I can’t wait to feel him deep inside me.

Nick watches us for a few moments and then slips down the bed to crawl between my legs. He pushes my legs apart and slides two fingers along my slit. I am dripping wet already, and he has no problem slipping his fingers deep inside me.

I groan and thrust my hips to bring his fingers deeper inside me. He brings his mouth down to cover my clit and sucks gently. I groan again, and Lucas wraps his arm around me and keeps me from being able to move much. I consciously relax my body, closing my eyes, and focusing on Nick’s tongue on my clit. Lucas begins to play with my nipples again, and it feels so amazing. I slip my arm around Lucas’s back so his head rests on my shoulder. Nick’s tongue and fingers are working their magic, but the addition Lucas in my arms playing with my nipples pushes me to unbelievable heights of arousal.

I am nearly incoherent, but I manage to convey to Lucas that I want him to kiss me. His lips are soft against mine, his facial hair scratchy on my face. I love it. I kiss him again and again, light kisses turn deeper, my tongue flicking out to touch his soft lips. He opens to me, and our tongues touch. It’s so sensual, especially with Nick’s tongue doing a similar dance on my clit. I know I’m not going to last much longer. My breath is coming short, and my kisses are becoming more frantic.

Lucas stops kissing me long enough to bite at one nipple while he plays with the other. Each time his teeth sink into me, he elicits a whimper from me that I know turns both of them on. I know his little nips won’t bruise, but part of me desperately wants them to.

Lucas knows I’m going to cum soon, and I’m sure Nick does, too. Lucas grips my thigh and pulls my legs open wider to give Nick full access to me. He wraps his leg around mine so I can’t close my legs at all. His arm crosses my body and grips my wrist, my upper body pinned by his arm. And then he kisses me. He kisses me over and over again, my whole body shuddering, pressing against him, bucking against Nick. My moans are lost into Lucas’ mouth as my orgasm overtakes me. My hips thrust, my pussy clenches, my eyes roll back, and I am lost in the sensations of two men I love bringing me to the heights of ecstasy.

Click the logo to find other blogs with the theme of Relaxed for June!

Love Freely

On Tuesday, I answered the TMI Tuesday questions, as I do (mostly) every week they’re posted. For some reason, I had a lot to say this week. So much, in fact, that I’m making a SECOND post. So here we go… The question was a simple one. Favorite quote. I realized that I didn’t have a favorite quote. Though, if I’m being honest, I have trouble choosing a favorite anything. I can’t give you a favorite song, but can I share a playlist? I might be able to give you a favorite book, maybe, but… ahh… yes, I can give you one, but there are SO many others that come close. I can’t give you a favorite movie. How about a marathon?

Listen, I’ve already acknowledged (at least to myself) that I like WAY TOO MANY THINGS.

I’m bisexual (though…that might need some exploration).

I’m polyamorous.

I’m a switch.

If you google those three keywords, you get the addendum of “I’m not indecisive, I’m just greedy.” Well then. There was an alternate, “I’m not greedy, I know what I want.” ~Brenda Howard.” I like that better. I’m not greedy. I know how to share. I just like it all.

This is a problem in my writing. I don’t want to write a novel that’s FemDom or MaleDom. I want one of each. Some of both. Switch it up. Why not? And there have to be readers who want that, too! So that’s what I write the majority of the time.


I got off track. Whoops.

The quote from Tuesday that I chose (ha) was, “I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you.

Here’s the thing about being poly. There are so many things that assume a couple is just a couple and can’t be more. Greeting cards, marriage ceremonies (you better believe I wrote my own), quotes, romantic comedies, even romance novels, and so on. And most them presume that there’s one person and often this idea of a soul mate. Listen, I love a good romance novel. I love a good romantic comedy. But in my real life, I don’t believe any of that bull shit. I have found (currently) FOUR amazing people who I love deeply. FOUR! And they love me back! (How the hell could I be this lucky? I don’t know. It’s unfair.)

But here’s the thing that makes me angry about those greeting cards and quotes that assume there’s ONE person for everyone. (And this isn’t about being poly, because this applies to *everyone*.) If, god forbid, something happens to me, I want all four of my partners to move on with their lives and be happy. Date someone else (most of them already are), get married (in the case of the person I’m married to), have kids (if that makes you happy, most of them are beyond wanting them), DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS! I don’t want any of them to sit around missing me! In the words of Tony Stark, “Don’t feel bad about this. I mean, if you grovel for a couple of weeks, and then move on with enormous guilt.” It was kind of a tongue-in-cheek line, in my opinion, but I would hope that they would move on should something happen to me. (And let’s face it, in this world, the odds are increasingly likely we aren’t all going to make it.)

Ah shit, I wanted this to be an escape from reality, but here we are. Sigh. I tried.

So my point is that I hope none of you buy into the BS about one right person, even if you are monogamous (which is totally cool). Be open to love. There’s not enough love in the world.

Ah shit. (Hey, I just said that.) I know my favorite quote now. My mom always says:

Love freely, because there isn’t enough love in this world.

She’s been saying that for decades. And it’s even more fucking true now than it was then. Go out (not literally, fucking pandemic) and spread some love today.

Thinky Thoughts

I’ve been thinking a lot about my blog. I’ve been thinking about what I want this space to be. Short stories are not my forte. I tend to get too wordy, too long winded. I am in the process of writing a novel that I lovingly termed, “Oops, I wrote a novel,” because there was a short story prompt in March and I just…went with it. I had hoped to finish it before the end of March, but…life.

Anyway, it’s a project I haven’t given up on and I hope to be able to work on that soon. So whenever I am in a position to say, hey, let’s make a goal, make a change (I hate change), I give it a lot of thought. What is it about this blog that keeps my readers interested? And in turn,

What keeps me interested in reading other people’s blogs?

Well, for me, I like reality. I like people who are being real and honest. They admit when they have a bad day. They celebrate the good days. I don’t care so much about a specific niche (*coughgrowingupwallscough*), but I do care that the author/blogger is real. Continuing stories are awesome, like the one from Clare Dugmore I read for A to Z. But I do worry that if I go on too long, some people may not start because they’d have to start at the beginning. (And sometimes I do go on too long… Hello Romance novel that’s 120,000 words. The average for romance is usually about half that.) It’s a lot to take in.

Anyhoo… I’m going to try to be more real. I have my identity to protect, so there are a lot of things in my life I can’t talk about. But I will try to be more real. And feel free to drop me a comment about what you want me to talk about here. I can stick to fiction, but you tell me!

TMI Tuesday

1. The best part of your job is _____ .

Ack! See, I don’t want to talk about my day job here! (Actually, more on that tomorrow.) So, let’s pretend that writing is my full time job (Ha!). The best part is getting feedback and knowing that I brought joy to someone’s life.

2. My favorite quote is _____ .

Uh. I don’t know that I’ve ever had one. I’ll have to put some thought into it…

Okay, I did some googling and thinking and I picked one (author unknown): I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you.

Love is forefront on my mind lately (that’s what happens when you fall rapidly in love). But so many quotes and thoughts about love center around that ONE person who “completes” you and other such BS. I have one person who I’ve been in love with for over 15 years. I choose him every day, and I will continue to choose him. But I also choose several other partners who enrich our lives. We choose those partners together. Anyway, that’s what I like about this quote–it doesn’t suppose that there’s only one person involved. (Uh oh, I feel a rant coming on… Maybe I should save that for another blog post… stay tuned. Maybe Thursday.)

3. The best part of my day is _____ .

The best part of my day is usually bedtime. It’s the time I get to spend with the person/people I love. Being cuddled and touched (often not sexually) is the best feeling in the world for me. And I am lucky enough to have several partners who offer me that. Very, very lucky. Lucky enough that I often worry no one deserves this much love.

4. What is the hardest part of your job? How do you deal with it?

The hardest part of writing is fact checking. Cross checking details, “Was she wearing pink or green?” I once had a main character change hair color halfway through the book. It wasn’t even remotely intentional. Whoops! The problem for me is that I tend to write more about feelings and emotions than about physical appearance. On one hand, I like that because it offers the reader the opportunity to put themselves in the shoes of the main character. The moment I’ve described her as a brunette, my blonde readers aren’t picturing themselves anymore. I don’t know if it’s “right” or “wrong” in terms of writing, but it’s the way I like to write.

So how do I deal with it? Well, for starters, I stopped caring what other people think. Maybe that’s stupid. I want people to buy my books (obviously). But I also like the advice to write what you want to read. So I do. And if it doesn’t fit with what publishers want (Hint: It doesn’t), then I’ll publish it myself (I do).

In terms of fact checking myself, I keep a side by side view document where I keep detailed notes on my character’s physical and mental characteristics, their life experiences, etc. I also keep an outline of what’s happening in each chapter. And when I wrote my first choose your own adventure, I kept a literal note card (3×5) for each chapter. Let me tell you how much fun that way! (A lot of fun, actually…)

5. You must write a “how to guide” about something for which you have expertise. What is this guide about or tell us the title?

Ack. I don’t know that I feel like an expert on much. Not much I would talk about here. I think I would probably write a how to guide titled, “How to be uniquely yourself when the world wants to put labels on you.” How’s that?

Bonus: What would you name your boat?

The Sea Rose

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I’m Back!

So, I haven’t written in…a while. I’m sorry for that. Both for not writing fiction and not writing blogs. The world is burning, literally and figuratively, and that’s been weighing on me heavily. It also weighs on me that I don’t say much about it here. This space has always been exclusively dedicated to writing. I’ve very rarely posted anything political or even remotely close to political. On my personal pages, I’m very political. So, if you’re reading this and wondering why I haven’t commented much on the state of the world, that’s why. This is my escape from reality, and I hope it can be yours a little bit, too. But rest assured that in my real life, I’m fighting the good fight to make sure we can maybe, hopefully someday have a world a little closer to my fictional one with *actual* equality.

That said… I want to dive back into the world of fiction. Let’s escape for just a little bit.

I have been working on 1,000,000 words in 2020. I’m behind. Woefully behind. I figured out that if I write 10,000 a day for the month of June, I’ll be caught up. That’s a tall order, and even though I can bang that out in a few hours if I’m focused, I can’t imagine that I can keep that focus for 30 days. But I’m going to give it a shot. At the very least, I would like to write the 80,000 for June that would have gotten me to 1,000,000 over 12 months.

But that brings me to a thought I’ve had circulating in my mind for a while I wanted to share. Especially right now, things are overwhelming. In my self-imposed writing challenge, 10,000 words a day is overwhelming. It’s easy to say, “Well, I can’t do that, so I won’t write at all.” But… wouldn’t it be better to write 1,000 words than 0 words? Wouldn’t it be better to write 5 words? Of course it would! You wouldn’t tell your favorite writer to quit because the challenge was too great. So you shouldn’t tell yourself to quit either. (Or in this case, myself.)

So whatever challenge you’re facing, see if you can do ONE THING toward your goal. Maybe that’s write 100 words. Maybe that’s get out of bed instead of sleep in. Maybe that’s brush your teeth when you’re too overwhelmed to take a shower. Put one foot in front of the other, take it one moment at a time if you have to, but don’t give up.

What struggles are you facing? Feel free to vent in the comments, even if (especially if) you know that your struggles aren’t as bad as other people’s. It’s not a competition. ❤

Book Recommendation!

I am SO excited to share with you all that my favorite blogger from the A to Z Blog Challenge is releasing a novel, and I get to share with you her cover! It is a phenomenal story, and I can’t wait to see how it ends. I highly recommend that you pre-order it now!

TMD Cover Official 2020_Ebook

Goodreads Link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52816657-truly-madly-deeply

Pre Order Link: Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088DDK2NF

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B088DDK2NF

Genre: LGBTQA Romance


Rule Number One: Don’t fall for one of the parents of a kid you coach.

Rule Number Two: Don’t fall for a straight woman.

Continue reading

TMI Tuesday

1. How replaceable are you?

How replaceable am I, or how replaceable do I feel? Those are two totally different answers. I am one of a kind. I’m unique. I’m special. But most of the time, I feel like there’s someone better out there. Lots of someones, in fact. When will that friend/partner find someone better and move on? I try to push those thoughts aside and my current partners are excellent at reassuring me. But I often feel replaceable.

2. Does jealously have value in driving humans to improve themselves or is it a purely negative emotion?

I don’t know if it’s purely negative. I think it depends on what you do with it. If you feel jealous that someone accomplished something and you didn’t, maybe it will drive you to try harder and put forth more effort. If it makes you angry and you give up or treat someone else badly because of it, then it’s not positive. As with most things, it’s what you do with the emotion that makes the difference.

3. A section of your life’s memories needs to be erased, which era will you elect to have erased?
a. childhood memories – age 3 to 12
b. teen and young adult years – age 13 to 23
c. adult – age 24 to 35

Well. If I could break up (b) a little more, I would go with that. But I met my husband in that range. I got engaged and married. I wouldn’t want to erase those memories. And I’m not 35 yet. So, I guess (a) then.

4. With no laws or rules to influence your behavior, how do you think you would behave?

Absolutely. I might have some public sex though. Okay, I definitely would have some public sex. (Don’t worry, I’d make sure it was in an area with no kids!) I would also shout from the rooftops about the people I love. But since I’m married, I can’t do that.

5. Does anonymity encourage people to misbehave or does it reveal how people would choose to act all the time if they could?

I think it’s the latter. If people are willing to misbehave because of the anonymity, then that’s who they truly are.

Bonus: In the time of coronavirus pandemic, what are you rocking–homemade face covering or manufactured mask?

I’m working with manufactured until my homemade ones come in from a family member.

Check out other TMI Tuesday Blogs here!

Comment below if you’re playing along!

TMI Tuesday

1. Do you have a strong imagination? Why do you think this?

I do! It’s why I’m a writer. I can’t shut off the stories. On the down side, I often imagine the abso-fucking-lutely worst case scenario. Every. Fucking. Time.

2. Are you confident?

In some things. I’m confident in my writing abilities. I’m not very confident in my musical abilities (which is silly, because I am pretty good).

3. Do you consider yourself to be sensual?
a. You bet I am!
b. Eek, no way.
c. In the right moments, I can be.

a – all the way! I love touching, cuddling, caressing, scritches. Love, love, love.

4. When was the last time you dressed provocatively to entice flirting or attention?

Um. I don’t know. I don’t often dress provocatively. It’s not worth it just to take the damn clothes off. I guess if one of my partners really wanted it, I’d certainly be game.

5. How often do you think about sex?

A lot. A lot a lot. Like, constantly. Or, almost constantly. I’m good at compartmentalizing when I do my day job, usually, but this working from home thing has even that fucked up. Focus is not easy.

6. If someone called you ‘sexy,’ what would you do?

Blush, and disagree.

7. Are you comfortable with your body?

Not particularly. Okay, not at all. I’ve been losing weight, and I’m super excited about that. But I still weigh a lot.

Bonus: Are you good at getting what you want?

Yeah, kinda. If it’s something I want, I’ve learned to go for it, but I won’t manipulate to get it. And actually, I guess that’s been something I’ve been good at for a long time. Someone I was friends with in HS (I graduated 16ish years ago) recently said to me that she was always envious of me in high school because I always knew how to get what I wanted. It was an interesting perception of me.

Check out other TMI Tuesday Blogs here!

Comment below if you’re playing along!

Reflections on #AtoZChallenge

You would think as organizer for the A to Z Blog Challenge, I would have been prepared for the Reflections Post. The truth is, I almost missed it. I can’t write it until the challenge is at least almost over. Let’s face it, when I wrote Exploration in January, the world was a completely different place. Even when I got these posts pre-scheduled in March and early April, the world was different.

So, I waited to write this. And now the time has come, and I should have posted it hours ago, but…I didn’t. And that’s okay. I know that. Hey, I finished the challenge this year, which didn’t happen my first year.

I have loved seeing comments from new readers and previous readers. I am excited that so many people have downloaded the book, too! I said that you could get it for any price in April, but I’m going to continue that low price for the month of May. I hope many people will come back and see this, and will want to see the whole world. It was serendipitous that I wrote about a world without disease, without inequality, without prejudice. It has been a great escape in the reality of today. But even then, sometimes I find that I can’t escape to it. Reality is too crushing. Anyway.

I hope that you are all staying safe and healthy (goodness I’m sick of hear/saying that), and that you are able to find an escape that works for you. If reading helps, read my blog, read my novels (and give me reviews!). If it doesn’t work for you, well, my books will be here. This isn’t the Neverending Story. They won’t change.

Lots of love to my readers on this journey, and I can’t wait to get out there and read more of your blogs in the coming weeks.

#AtoZChallenge Z


Z is for Zoology

from Rebekah Loper’s book called The A-Zs of Worldbuilding: Building a Fictional World From Scratch

This is a bit of a downer, since there isn’t a lot of zoology in Zebulon. Animals have all but died out. There are no predators outside. There aren’t bugs inside the buildings, though some survived outside of it.

So, let’s take this opportunity to sum up Zebulon for Z!

A society born from a nuclear winter wasteland, populated by some determined humans who figured out how to survive. Science saved them long enough for them to develop the technology to go underground, generate power, and grow food. Although their lives weren’t ideal, they survived and managed to keep the species alive. Now, they have a thriving city and nine others besides who are able to keep living in the wasteland humans created. It’s unlikely the Earth will ever be habitable normally again, but at least for now, they can live a comfortable existence.

The best part, after the division of generations, they have come together as a community under the banner of equality and community. Everyone works together to ensure all members of the Zebulon community can thrive.

But, the science (fiction) of the community isn’t the focus. Mara is the focus. Mara, who has just turned 18 and is about to find out all there is that her community has to offer. She has spent years learning to cook, care for a home, sew, use technology, solve problems, and work together. But now she has to learn a trade and figure out what the hell she wants in a partner. Or, if she wants a partner? There are so many possibilities, and as soon as she turned 18, all of those possibilities are open to her. So, what will she pick and what challenges will she face along the way?

Well, you’ll just have to read to find out.


Find out all that and in Exploration: An Erotic Novel available now!

Also available for Pre-Order is Exploring Limits, the second book in the Exploration series!

Available on Smashwords and Kindle!




#AtoZChallenge Y


Y is for Youth

from Rebekah Loper’s book called The A-Zs of Worldbuilding: Building a Fictional World From Scratch

This is the crux of this society. Youth is revered, especially after there was a dry spell where no new children were born. It was a scary time for their community. Now, things have leveled off, and they try to make sure there aren’t too many new children, so they are overburdened, but it’s usually handled naturally. Birth control is nearly 100% effective, so when the community is overburdened with children, they can request residents to use birth control until they have more space in their nurseries. It’s always optional, though.

Infants stay with their mother for the first three months, and then they are placed into childcare centers. The centers are there to help the children develop community skills. It’s important to the community that children aren’t isolated.

The parents are encouraged to visit their children often, and the children will also go visit their parents at least once a week, if they want to. But most of the childcare is handled in their dorms.

The children are separated into rooms with 1-3 other children when they’re about 5 or 6 (depending on when they’re ready). They are given their bedrooms when they start to mature and hit puberty around 10 or 11. By 16, they are given a room in a pod where they live with other people and have to start cooking for themselves under strict guidance. At 18, they are on their own with their floormates. At 18 they are considered young adults and are encouraged to experiment with their sexuality and preferences. Before that, they are encouraged to form platonic relationships, but they are given a pill that allows them to physically mature but keeps their sex drive down so they can mature emotionally first.

They are given a series of tests from age 18 to 22 (called young adults) and at 22 they are given their relationship assignments. These assignments are made once a year so that the Matchmakers can match everyone at once. Sometimes older people are also put in the pool so a match isn’t guaranteed to be between people of the same age.

Above you see my description that I wrote based on the extensive questions in The A-Zs of Worldbuilding. Read on for a random excerpt from Chapter 10 in Exploration: An Erotic Novel.

Remember this (and most) of my posts contain adult content!

Chapter 7: Another Meeting

I broke the kiss immediately. “I’m coming!” I called. Fuck. “I forgot about the meeting,” I whispered.

“Me, too,” James said.

I climbed off of his lap, and we both stood up. “Do I look okay?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “you’re perfect.”

I wondered briefly if there was more to that statement than whether I looked okay to go to the meeting or not.

“Come on,” he said, and he took my hand and pulled me to my door.

He opened it, and we went into the living room. Thankfully, my room was basically the closest to the meeting room, so it wasn’t a long walk. Carla was waiting for me.

“There you are!” she said.

“Sorry,” I hissed.

I surveyed the room and saw that Carla and Jean had saved a spot for me. I glanced at James, but he just nodded in their direction. I took my seat between my two pod-mates, and James went and sat on another couch facing me.

“Are we all here now?” Kelly asked. I watched her do a quick headcount and see that 12 seats were occupied. “Great, let’s begin,” she said. Kelly was our mentor. We didn’t need a mentor officially now that we were year 18s, and this was supposed to be her last meeting in charge. “To make things easier, we’re going to show you a video about what to expect over the next few weeks. Then I’ll be able to give you your career choice results.”

I felt a cold sweat slide down my spine. I wanted the career choices first, but no, the video first.

She picked up the remote and it started playing immediately.

The black screen flared to life, and the words “Congratulations Year 18s!” slid across the screen in blue letters. One of the actors I had seen many times over the years appeared.

“Hello! I know you’re anxious to get your career assignments, year 18s, but please stick with me. I just have a few things to go over first. You may have already noticed that your daily vitamins are different. If you haven’t started feeling different, you will soon. The vitamins you were taking ensured that your bodies could develop before your sexual emotions. But those blockers have been removed. We encourage you all to visit the Exploration Floor with some of your fellow year 18s and explore each other. There are toys and supplies in the dressers in the Exploration Rooms. Your identification cards will now give you access to that floor. Also, your TVs, as well as the ones in the Exploration Rooms, have more channels available to you. You may be interested in learning some things from those videos.

“As always, if you have any questions, you are encouraged to explore together. Your mentor and your family may also be able to answer your questions. And now, without further ado, your mentor will provide you with your first career assignments.

“Please remember that if you want to change your careers, you will be given that opportunity in six months. Thank you!”

The screen went black, and Kelly took the center of the room. “So,” she said, “when I call your name, please come forward and take your envelope. Instructions for your first day of your job are included. Once you have your envelope, you’re dismissed, but I’ll be around afterward if you have any questions.”

What career does she get?

Why did she forget about the meeting?

Find out all that and in Exploration: An Erotic Novel available now! Or come back tomorrow to learn more!


#AtoZChallenge X


X is for Xenial

from Rebekah Loper’s book called The A-Zs of Worldbuilding: Building a Fictional World From Scratch

There aren’t a lot of guests in Zebulon. Once a month, one building hosts representatives from the other buildings in their common space. No one stays overnight in that situation because they live close enough to go home. There are certain customs that they observe. Every floor makes a dish to share with the guests so there is amble food for their day-long meeting. They are more likely to show off their best dishes, but they all have the same ingredients, so it’s not usually that spectacular. They can make specialty desserts though.

Four times a year, the cities come together and send ten representatives. There are 10 cities. (10 cities, 20 representatives, 1 from each of the 20 residential buildings) makes 200 people.

Those meetings are held on a rotating basis so that every city hosts once every 5 years. At the time they host, they have to make a lot of space. People will stay together with extra people in their rooms if they have to. Representatives from close cities will often go back to their city after the meeting, but not everyone is that close.

Above you see my description that I wrote based on the extensive questions in The A-Zs of Worldbuilding. Read on for a random excerpt from Chapter 10 in Exploration: An Erotic Novel.

Remember this (and most) of my posts contain adult content!

I jumped up off the bed and ran out of the room. James’ room was just on the other side of the living room. I could take the long way around and avoid the living room, which I seriously considered, but the living room was empty.

I rushed through and practically fell into James’ door.

He opened it as though he had been waiting for me. “Mara!” he said, and he opened the door wider so I could enter. His room was furnished the same way as mine. I sat down in his desk chair.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

I should have thought of a lie before I went over there, but I didn’t.

“What did Lori want?”

“I—uh—she wanted to talk to me about my job.”

“Why didn’t she just wait until tomorrow?”

“That’s what I said,” I latched onto that idea and rolled my eyes. “I don’t know. You know how Lori is.”

He nodded. “I can’t believe we got interrupted again.”

“I know,” I said.

He sat down on the couch and gestured for me to join him.

“Are you all packed?” I asked, ignoring the gesture.

He shrugged. “Enough. I don’t need much.”

I nodded.

“Mara, come here.”

“I-I’d better not,” I said. “I just, I just came to say goodbye.”

“Mara,” he said, this time his voice was disappointed. “You make it sound like it’s goodbye forever.”

“No, not forever,” I said. “Just for a few weeks.”

“You’ll be so busy with your new job that you won’t even know I’m gone.”

I highly doubted that.

“Mara, come here, please, I won’t bite.”

I couldn’t resist him. I didn’t want to. I moved and sat down next to him on the couch. Wrapping his arms around me, he inhaled my scent.

“Can’t we pick up where we left off?”

“Why, so someone else can knock on the door?” I scoffed.

“Then we’ll go. We can go up to the Exploration Floor. There have to be plenty of open rooms. Or let them knock. I’ll ignore it.”

I smiled at him and rested my hand against his jaw. “James,” I said, “it’s a lovely thought.”

His expression fell. “You don’t want to pick up where we left off, do you?” he asked.

I took a deep breath. “I just think that maybe now isn’t the right time,” I said.

I could see the frustration cross his features. “But Mara, I leave for three weeks in the morning.”

I nodded. “And I’ll see you when you get back.”

He stood up and scrubbed his hand through his hair. He left it standing on end, and I couldn’t help but be reminded of how it had looked after I had had my hands all in it.

I wanted to tell him the whole truth. I wanted to tell him about my Special Assignment, but I was afraid that I would be in trouble. Lori told me not to tell, and she had the power to change my assignment. I knew she did. And I didn’t want that. As much as I was fucking terrified of learning all these new things on camera for other residents to see, I wanted to learn. I wanted the opportunities that this job afforded me. And I knew that such a great opportunity wouldn’t come along lightly.

“Mara,” he said, and then he dropped to his knees in front of me, “what did Lori say that scared you off?”

I must be so transparent. “Nothing,” I protested, but the word felt false in my mouth.

He cocked his head to the side and took my hands in his. He waited, letting the silence stretch between us.

“When you get back, maybe things will be different,” I said.

“Maybe,” he repeated my word back to me. “What is that supposed to mean?”

I had no idea how long I would be on this Special Assignment. For all I knew, they would take me away, and I wouldn’t even be back when James was. “I’m so confused, James, I’m sorry.”

As much as there had been so many emotions in the last few hours, the worst of it was this. Seeing the hurt look on James’ face, knowing that he wanted to explore things with me, knowing that he wanted me to be his first, and knowing that that wasn’t going to happen. Seeing that look cross his face, telling me that he knew I wasn’t going to wait for him. And the worst part of all: not being able to tell him the truth behind the reason.

He let go of my hands and hauled me into his arms, our bodies pressing against one another. He kissed the top of my head.

“Mara, you have been my best friend as long as I can remember. If the time is right, then it will happen. This just isn’t our time.” I could hear the strain in his voice, the effort the words took. Tears stung my eyes, and I tried to blink them away.

“Thank you, James, thank you.”

He kissed me on the top of my head again. “Now you’d better go before your lips tempt me any more.”

I giggled, and a sob caught in my throat. But I couldn’t help it. I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissed his lips lightly, and then said, “Goodbye, James.”

I left him standing in his room, his arms still poised to hold me, his lips still molded in the shape of my mouth.

Why is she saying goodbye to James?

What does she think is going to happen while she’s gone?

Find out all that and in Exploration: An Erotic Novel available now! Or come back tomorrow to learn more!